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Profession Jokes
Hunting Accident
A guy is out hunting. He stops to pee, leans his weapon against a tree and….just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. “Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be okay. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter. “The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well I guess that isn't too bad,” the hunter replied. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?” Not exactly,” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.”
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Bad News V Good News
Doctor: I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell first?
Patient: Do begin with the bad news, please.
Doctor: Alright. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS.
Patient: Good grief! What's the good news?
Doctor: The good news is that there is no more bad news.
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Midget Visits the Doctor
A midget walks into the doctors and says, "Doc, I've got these fucking itchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching." The Doc says, "I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya." So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. The midget hears snip, snip snip noises for about 5 minutes. The doc finishes and says, "How's that?" The midget says, "Fucking brilliant, what did you do?" The Doc says, "I trimmed back your high boots."
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