Piss Off a Pilot

Q: Do you know what happens if you piss of a pilot?
A: He takes off.

The Blonde Gets Pulled Over

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and decides to pull it over. He walks up to the car and sees a beautiful blonde woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."  She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car.  After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"

Fired Up

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application. As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held. "I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that." "Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"