The Hooker and Her Gramma

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.
The hooker's gramma came and said, "Why are all of you girls lined up?"
The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said, "We're lined up to buy oranges"
The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said, "How do you do it, you're so old?!?"
Gramma says, "It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!"

Bad Airline

The Top 10 Signs You're Flying On A Bad Airline

1. The engine's being held on by duct tape.
2. You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.
3. In-flight movie has "Ernest" in its title.
4. Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down.
5. Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.
6. As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase "Guest Pilot Program". 
7. The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.
8. The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club... and "she" has a beard and bigger arms than you!
9. Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.
10. You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet.

A Second Opinion

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and puts his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."