Kick The Pickle

A lady bought a jar of pickles every week. Each day she would put a pickle in the hole in her floor and start humping it.  Just then the mailman rings the doorbell and she gets up, kicks the pickle and gets the mail. The next day she does the same thing and screws the pickle. The mailman waits everyday, he looks in the window and sees her screwing the pickle then he rings the doorbell. The next day he gets a substitute to do his routes. He sneaks in the lady's basement and paints his dick green, so when she put the pickle in, he takes it out and sticks his dick in. The woman doesn't know it's not the pickle so she just screws it. Later on the substitute mailman rings the doorbell and then the lady kicks the pickle and gets the mail.

Tell the Whole Truth

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honor," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

Cross a Stripper and Model

Q: What do you get when you cross a stripper with a model?
A: A boner.