Make the Whole Country Happy

Dick Cheney, President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Donald Rumsfeld says, "Of course, I could throw a hundred $1 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Retired Engineer

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it, $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Kick The Pickle

A lady bought a jar of pickles every week. Each day she would put a pickle in the hole in her floor and start humping it.  Just then the mailman rings the doorbell and she gets up, kicks the pickle and gets the mail. The next day she does the same thing and screws the pickle. The mailman waits everyday, he looks in the window and sees her screwing the pickle then he rings the doorbell. The next day he gets a substitute to do his routes. He sneaks in the lady's basement and paints his dick green, so when she put the pickle in, he takes it out and sticks his dick in. The woman doesn't know it's not the pickle so she just screws it. Later on the substitute mailman rings the doorbell and then the lady kicks the pickle and gets the mail.