English Teacher

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

Ounces of Brain for Sale

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study and sees a sign remarking on the quality of a professional brains offered at the store.
He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.  "How much does it cost for an engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much does it cost for a programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce," replies the butcher.
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
The butcher says, "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?!?"

Politics Profession

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.