Redneck Disease

A redneck visits the doctor and says, "I have seenus disease." The doctor said, "You mean sinus disease." The man said, "No, I was in bed with my girlfriend and my wife seen us."

Shy Patient

During her annual checkup, buxom blonde beauty was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly. "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician. "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

Solving a Dispute

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved. "Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."