Teacher 911

Q: Why did the kindergarten teacher call the Police?
A: Because a 5 year old was resisting a rest.

Writers' Quotes

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Tom Clancy: "I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
William Faulkner: "I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."
Steve Martin: "I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know."
Mel Brooks: "It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
Robert Benchley: "A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction."

Make a Donation

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?" He calls up the lawyer. "Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?" The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?" The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..." "Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!" The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..." "Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?" The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..." "The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"