Are His Lights On?

A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde. "I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde. "Is the cop still following me?" "Yep." "Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."

Blonde Pistol

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"And then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"And then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Mexican Acronym

A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!" Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, "SPIT!" This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed. Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, "Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?" and the cowboy replies, "Hell ya I know what it means, 'Thank God It's Friday!'" The bartender asks the Mexican guy, "Okay, so what does 'SPIT' mean?" and the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo It's Thursday!"