Lawyer Hunting Regulations

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWYERS: Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200

1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, "entrap", or possess it.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
11. BAG LIMITS (Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)
    1.  Yellow Bellied Sidewinder...........(2)
    2. Two-faced Tort Feasor...............(1)
    3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator.....(4)
    4. Small-breasted Ball Buster..........(3) (Female only)
    5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut.................(2)
    6. Honest Attorney.....................(0) (On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)
    7. Cut-throat..........................(2)
    8. Back-stabbing Whiner................(2)
    9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser............(2)
    10. Silver-tongued Drug Dealer Defender.......($100 BOUNTY)

Lawyer's Funeral

Q: Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

Motorcycle Crash

I looked out of my window in horror yesterday as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist. I rushed outside yelling, "Let me through, let me through" A man at the front said, "Thank God for that, are you a Doctor"?
I said "No, that's my fucking Pizza"