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Profession Jokes
Here's Little Johnny!
A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?" A little girl raised her hand. "Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?" "It's a cow, teacher." "Very good, Janie," said the teacher. Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?" Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"
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Don't Erase This
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, erased it and then proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
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Beltway Crawl
A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?" The Officer replies, "President Biden was just implicated in another scandal with his son Hunter and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him". "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" "I've got a lot of folks still siphoning, but right now I have about three hundred gallons."
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