At the Crazy Farm

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?" "What? And work in the dark!?!"

Things to do visiting your Therapist

Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:

1.  Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.
2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.
3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.
4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.  
5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"  
6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"
7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.  
8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!".  
9. Sit underneath your chair.
10. Stand on your head.
11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist, eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall; Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.
12. Never stop smiling.
13. Scream every word.
14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling; when he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair; when he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the desk, etc...
15. Put your shoes on the wrong feet.
16. Try to seduce him with chocolate donuts.
17. Try to talk him into sitting on the floor.
18. Tell him Matlock is the key to all your problems.
19. Eat his books.
20. Talk to his leg.
21. Don't face him when he talks to you. 
22. Talk really slowly.
23. Try to eat your hand.
24. If he offers you coffee, ask him to spill it on your lap.
25. Make sure you make butt-prints in his couch.
26. Pretend you hear music.
27. Tell him you think his secretary is really a man.
28. Pretend to drink.
29. Offer him an imaginary cookie.

The Perfect Diagnosis

The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous redhead. "I would suggest to you, young lady, began the doctor,  that you discontinue some of your running around, stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early." Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"