When Lincoln Was Your Age

A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."

No Poop

My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... 
...either way he's full of shit.

A Walking Economy

This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy." The friend asks, "How so?" "My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"