Getting on Television

Q: How do you get on television?
A: You sit on it!

Half To Death

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Dumb Funnies!

Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk.
Q: Why was the Tomato blushing?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because it had no guts!
Q: What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: Their middle name.
Q: Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
A: They all have phones.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck!
Q: Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
A: Because they taste funny.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: Why are proctologists so gloomy?
A: They always have the end in sight.
Q: What do you give an elephant with diarreha?
A: Lots of Room
Q: What does Mozart do now that he is dead?
A: He decomposes.
Q: Why do they put bells on cows?
A: Because their horns don't work!