Sissy

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy." "What did you do?" the mother asked. "I hit him with my purse!"

A Final Exam

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.
The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"
Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

Proverbs Finished by 4th Grade Class

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:

• It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test.
• There is nothing new... under a rock.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet.
• A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting.
• If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica.
• Better late than... absent.
• A rolling stone... may dent the floor.
• If at first you don't succeed... live with it.
• Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
• Cry... and then blow your nose.
• A bird in the hand is... better than a woodpecker on your head.
• Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal.
• Two heads... are pretty scary.
• It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb.
• A miss is as good as... a mister.
• A penny saved... is not a lot.
• Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake.
• Haste makes... sweat.