Little People, Little...

Q: What did the gay midget doctor say to his patient?
A: "OK, now you're gonna feel a little prick."

Signs And Notices 15

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
• Sign in a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
• Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: "COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
• Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."
• Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
• Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."
• Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!"
• Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Who's Saved First?

Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great t*ts and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."