President Obama's Invaders

President Obama was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

Drummers And Laxatives

Q: Why are drummers like laxatives?
A: Because they irritate the shit out of everyone.

Random Ramblings!

•  A waist is a terrible thing to mind. 
• Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.
• Atheism - A non-prophet organization. 
• Boycott shampoo!!! Demand True poo! 
• Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
• Clones are people two. 
• COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 
• Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
• Entropy isn't what it used to be. 
• Everyone is entitled to my opinion. 
• Gene Police: "YOU!! Out of the pool!" 
• Ground Beef: Cow With No Legs 
• Help stamp out, delete, and eradicate unnecessary, superfluous redundancy.
• I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
• Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! 
• Mouse... n. elephant built by the Japanese. 
• My reality check just bounced.
• No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. 
• Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. 
• Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. 
• So, what IF there were no hypothetical questions hypothetically...