Autobiography

I've heard a witch is writing a tell all book about her life.
Warts and all.

Solution

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

New Year Disease

A woman calls her boss after a wild New Year's party and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asks. ‘I have a case of anal glaucoma,’ she says in a weak voice. ‘What the heck is anal glaucoma?’ ‘I can’t see my butt coming into work today’.