Rolling Stones V Scotsman

Q: What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?
A: One says "Hey, you, get out of my cloud." The other says "Hey, McCloud, get out of my ewe."

Trouble Swallowing

Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now.
Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.

Auditions Galore

My friend got a dozen auditions for movies in the last week. I asked him how and all he could say was, "It's this new medication." He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.