The Cowboy Excuses

Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995 

1. Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
2. Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden's announce booth.
3. Trying to make one of Marv Albert's blooper reels.
4. Our friends on New York Jets convinced us: "Winning's no big deal."
5. Worried sick about Letterman botching the Academy Awards.
6. Those big guys on other team kept trying to knock us down.
7. Who needs all the pressure of a Super Bowl? Not us, Lonnie!
8. What a time to notice, them cheerleader outfits is skimpy!
9. Tired of going to Disneyland. 

Only In America

• A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
• Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
• Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
• People use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
• Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

Colorado Crazy Law

Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed)
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.