The Cowboy Excuses

Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995 

1. Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
2. Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden's announce booth.
3. Trying to make one of Marv Albert's blooper reels.
4. Our friends on New York Jets convinced us: "Winning's no big deal."
5. Worried sick about Letterman botching the Academy Awards.
6. Those big guys on other team kept trying to knock us down.
7. Who needs all the pressure of a Super Bowl? Not us, Lonnie!
8. What a time to notice, them cheerleader outfits is skimpy!
9. Tired of going to Disneyland. 

Only In America

• A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
• Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
• Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
• People use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
• Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

Cold Cream

Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
A: Cold cream!