Blow up the Tires

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry, we're right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?". The attendant responds, "Sorry, but no oil either."
The man thinks and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant,  "Just what kind of petrol station is this?".  The attendant then looks both ways and very carefully whispers to the man, "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front.".  The man then says, "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tires !"

I Want That Car

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching cars go by. They see a Cadillac Escalade drive by and the first boy says, "I wish I could have that Cadillac. The second boy says, "I wish I could have that Lincoln Navigator behind it. The third boy says, "I wish my whole body was covered in curly hair because my sister has a small patch between her legs and that is how she got both of those cars."

Car Repair Payments

A young woman experienced car trouble late one afternoon but luckily, an old man in a tow truck stopped and offered help. Not knowing the area, she asked if he could repair the car. He agreed to do it and after hoisting the car up on the truck, the two of them took the car back to the old man's garage. He looked at the engine and made an estimate of about one hundred dollars, which she couldn't quite afford.
"Darn," she says. "Just one hunderd dollars? If you weren't such an old guy, I'd fuck you for the remainder of the bill."
"Hell, I'll show you who's old!" the old man retorted. "Take off that dress and get on the car." She giggled as she slipped off her dress and eyed the old man after he dropped his pants. He was hung like a mule! "Oh boy!" she thought. "Not only am I going to get a great discount on the repairs, I'm going to get the hell fucked out of me too." Then she noticed the old man placing washers on the base of his dick. "Hey, what are you doing?" the woman asked. "Hell," the old man replied, "you think for just a hundred dollars, you're gonna get all of this?"