Obey the Speed Limit

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."

Truck Black Box

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states, the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Penguins on Tour

A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says, "Fill it up, please". The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are occupied by penguins. "Hey Buddy," says the attendant to the driver, "These birds can't be happy like this... they're wild animals, you should take them to a zoo or something.." The motorist agrees to do so.
The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once again the attendant sees the penguins sitting in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels... "What's this?" he says to the driver, "I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?"
The driver says, "I did... and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach."