Well, How Do I Look?

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The "How Do I Look" Question

1. "That's a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago."
2. "I ain't seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town."
3. "Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind."
4. "Ssshhh, the games on right now... go look in the mirror, that's what its there for!!"
5. "Oh man, I'm gonna lose my lunch."
6. "Like the girl I was with yesterday."
7. "Like someone in dire need for some liposuction."
8. "Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend."
9. "How can I put this... MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" 

Top Ten Reasons To Vote Democrat

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want.  I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.
 
#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.
 
#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would. 
 
#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
 
#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
 
#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
 
#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.
 
#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.
 
#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
 
#1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America . We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.

Top Ten Signs Your Coworker Is A Computer Hacker

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."