Murphy Won the Irish Sweepstakes

Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"

Dallas Safe Zone

Q: Where are Dallas residents staying to avoid Ebola?
A: Cowboy Stadium.  They can't catch anything there.

Texas Alligator

Q: Why didn't the alligator eat the Texan after killing him?
A: Cause he found out he was full of Bullshit.