Beginner Golf Lessons

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.

Mexican Golf

Q: Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?
A: I guess someone made a hole in Juan.

Tiger's Mercedes

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky in his new Mercedes. He stopped at a small gas station and asked the mechanic if he could get his oil changed. "Why sure," the mechanic said, not seeming to recognize the golf star. About thirty minutes later the oil change is complete. As Tiger started to back the car out, the mechanic noticed some buttons on the dashboard and asked Tiger what they were for. Tiger looked down at the tees on his dash and says, "Those are what I set my balls on." The old man replied, "Boy oh Boy, those Germans think of everything, don't they!"