Baseball Nuns

Three nuns went to a baseball game and three men got stuck sitting behind them. The men were frustrated because their habits were blocking their view. So they came up with a plan to make them leave. ''I think I'll move to California, there's only 50 Catholics there," said the first man. "I think I'll move to Washington, there's only 25 Catholics there.'' "I think I'll move to Idaho, there's only 10 Catholics there.'' Then one of the nuns turned around. "Go to Hell, there are NO Catholics there."

Polish Hockey Team

Q: Heard about the Polish hockey team?
A: They all drowned in spring training.

Golfer's Explanation to God

When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. "Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 -- You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game." "Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorry Peter, but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered. "Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy." So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God's office. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..." "So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain." "Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!" "OK. Try me, " replied the Lord. "Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, andI made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I could just make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, and it was sailing beautifully, when suddenly the wind shifted, and took my ball off into the woods, and right behind this enormous oak tree..." "And that's when you took my name in vain?" "Oh, no, sir! I just took out my 6 iron and knocked that ball clear out of the woods with one swing! It was gliding beautifully toward the green, when suddenly it lost speed, and dropped into a sand trap, right smack in the middle of a deep hole..." "So, that is when you took my name in vain?" "No, not then. I just took out my nine, and with one swing, drove that ball right onto the green, and it rolled within two inches of the hole..." "Don't tell me you missed a god damn two inch putt!"