Fish Proverb

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Nerds vs Jocks

An answer to the eternal question: "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?" Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.  He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike). He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into his tax deferred account (401k), he will have hit the federal cap of $9500 for such accounts at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st, 1998. If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year. He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics. He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run. While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600. Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of our past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?
But: Jordan will have to save 100% of his income for 270 years to have a net worth equivalent to that of Bill Gates. Nerds win!

Lawyer Hunting Regulations

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWYERS: Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200

1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, "entrap", or possess it.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
11. BAG LIMITS (Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)
    1.  Yellow Bellied Sidewinder...........(2)
    2. Two-faced Tort Feasor...............(1)
    3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator.....(4)
    4. Small-breasted Ball Buster..........(3) (Female only)
    5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut.................(2)
    6. Honest Attorney.....................(0) (On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)
    7. Cut-throat..........................(2)
    8. Back-stabbing Whiner................(2)
    9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser............(2)
    10. Silver-tongued Drug Dealer Defender.......($100 BOUNTY)