Bosnian Footballer

Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for '96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. First, he threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window over 200 yards away --ka-boom! Next, he threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards away--ka-blooey! Then, a car passes going 90 miles an hour-- bulls-eye! Another grenade right into the barely open window. "I've got to get this guy," Al says to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So he brings him to the states and teaches him the great game of football. Predictably, the young man breaks all NFL records for completed passes, accuracy and touchdowns. The Raiders go on to handily win the Super Bowl. The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of Super Bowl XXXI, and When Al asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. Al arranges for the call and hands the phone to his young quarterback: "Mom," the young man says into the receiver, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You're no longer my son." "I don't think you understand, mother" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm in the middle of thousands of adoring fans." "No, let me tell you," the mother implores. "At this very moment, there are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their life last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight...." The old lady pauses, in tears..."...I'll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland!"

Texas Thugs

Q: Two Dallas Cowboys are in a car, who's driving?
A: The cops.

Biden's New Golf Rules

President Biden has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective September 1,2021. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak
Here are a few of the changes.
Golfers with handicaps: 
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35% 
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees 
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play
The term "gimmie" will be changed to “entitlement" and will be used as follows: 
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements
- handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. 
The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. 
This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score". These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. 
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is "The Right Thing to do - Man"