The Cruise

An elderly couple was on a cruise, and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, but we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise?"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!"

Speeding in California

Q: How do you know the California State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into San Francisco?
A: For the first offense, they give you two 49ers tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

The NFL Teams Re-Named

When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans often assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West:

• Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
• Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs
• Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders
• San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers
• Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

AFC Central:

• Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels
• Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns
• Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers
• Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

AFC East:

• Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils, Buffalo Spills
• Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
• Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins, Miami Soft Ones
• New England Patriots - New England Patsys
• New York Jets - New York Pets, New York Not Yets

NFC West:

• Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons
• New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's
• Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs
• San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners

NFC Central:

• Chicago Bears - Chicago Fairs
• Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryin's, Detroit Kittens
• Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers, Green Bay Slackers, Green Bay Whackers
• Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota Tykesm Minnesota ViQueens
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

NFC East:

• Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Tardynals
• Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls, Dallas Cowpie
• New York Giants - New York Midgets
• Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles
• Washington Redskins - Washington Deadskins

Expansion Teams:

• Carolina Panthers - Carolina Can't-thers
• Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Saguars