Tom Brady

Q: Why did Tom Brady challenge the news report that he was retiring?
A: He didn't want his announcement to be deflated.

Change my Number

The phone rings, woman answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair."
Woman replies, "Yes I do, he's watching golf, who shall I say is calling?"

The Cruise

An elderly couple was on a cruise, and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, but we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise?"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!"