The NFL Teams Re-Named

When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans often assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West:

• Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
• Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs
• Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders
• San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers
• Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

AFC Central:

• Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels
• Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns
• Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers
• Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

AFC East:

• Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils, Buffalo Spills
• Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
• Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins, Miami Soft Ones
• New England Patriots - New England Patsys
• New York Jets - New York Pets, New York Not Yets

NFC West:

• Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons
• New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's
• Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs
• San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners

NFC Central:

• Chicago Bears - Chicago Fairs
• Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryin's, Detroit Kittens
• Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers, Green Bay Slackers, Green Bay Whackers
• Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota Tykesm Minnesota ViQueens
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

NFC East:

• Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Tardynals
• Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls, Dallas Cowpie
• New York Giants - New York Midgets
• Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles
• Washington Redskins - Washington Deadskins

Expansion Teams:

• Carolina Panthers - Carolina Can't-thers
• Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Saguars

Heavenly Golf Game

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf up in heaven. On the first tee, JB leads off and hits a big blast right down the gut; it rolls to a stop about 270 yards out, perfect lie. Jesus steps up next and kills the ball, sending it about 300 yards straight away, perfect lie. God steps up and waggles and wiggles and then badly hooks his ball into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak is struck by lightning and splits, one half falling into the path of the oncoming ball and knocking it into the fairway. As it comes to a rest, a bare 50 yards out, a squirrel darts out of the woods on the other side and grabs the ball and takes off towards the left-side woods. Before he gets in, an eagle swoops down and grabs the squirrel, carrying it aloft down the fairway. Just as it passes over the green, the eagle is pelted by hailstones, whereupon it drops the squirrel (still clutching the ball) onto the green about three feet from the hole. Dazed, the squirrel spits the ball out where it rolls up and stops on the lip of the cup. Suddenly there is an earthquake! The ball drops in... hole in one! Jesus stares at John the Baptist with a pissed look, then turns to God and says: "Dad? We gonna play golf, or are you just gonna mess around?"

The Golfer and the Dentist

A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the nuts." 
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?"
"It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt!"