An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon a construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted. The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

Letterman Golf Vs Sex

David Letterman's  Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better than Sex...

#10  ... A below-par performance is considered damn good.

#09  ... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#08  ... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#07  ... Foursomes are encouraged.

#06  ... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

#05  ... Three times a day is possible.

#04  ... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

#03  ... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.

#02  ... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex...

#01  ... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

Hide and Seek

Q: Why is it so hard to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament?
A: Good players are hard to find.