Go Fly a Kite

So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite, he was really having a difficult time. The kite was swinging wildly, not exactly what you'd describe as stable, so his wife sticks her head out the door and says, "Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail." Ralph replies "Make up your damn mind, last night you told me to go fly a kite!"

A Golfer And A Sky-Diver

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

You Might Be A Redneck 11

You might be a redneck if...

• You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
• You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• You've ever been too drunk to fish.
• You've ever bought a used cap.
• You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
• You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
• Your mama tore her best dress coon hunting.
• You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
• You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.
• You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.