Got Lentils?

Q: What is the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? 
A: I've never had a Lentil on my chest.

Fucked Too Much

Q: How can you tell when a woman has fucked too much?
A: You put your thumb in her ass, and your middle-finger in her vagina...Now, if you can snap your fingers, you know she's been fucking too much.

Zactly

Everywhere this lady went, nobody wanted to talk to her, no one ever asked her to go out. Guys came up to her and turned away. She wondered why this would happen. So she went to her doctor and told him what was going on. She thought that maybe there was a problem with her. The doctor told her he would give her a complete exam. He told her to undress and get up on the table, so she did. He told her to open her mouth and he checked it. Then he asked her to get down from the table and bend over. He then said to the lady, "I know what your problem is, you have zactly." The lady then asked, "What is zactly?" The doctor said, "Lady your mouth smells zactly like your butt!"