Comparing Guys and Gals at the ATM

Instructions for the Guys:

1. Pull up to ATM.
2. Insert Card.
3. Enter PIN.
4. Take cash, card and receipt.
5. Drive away.

Instructions for the Gals:

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer.
3. Shut off engine.
4. Put keys in purse.
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine.
6. Hunt for card in purse.
7. Insert card.
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.
9. Enter PIN.
10. Study instructions.
11. Hit "CANCEL."
12. Re-enter correct PIN.
13. Check balance.
14. Look for envelope.
15. Look in purse for pen.
16. Make out deposit slip.
17. Endorse checks.
18. Make deposit.
19. Study instructions.
20. Make cash withdrawal.
21. Get in car.
22. Check makeup.
23. Look for keys.
24. Start car.
25. Check makeup.
26. Start pulling away.
27. Stop.
28. Back up to machine.
29. Get out of car.
30. Take card and receipt.
31. Get back in car.
32. Put card in wallet.
33. Put receipt in checkbook.
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook.
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook.
36. Check makeup.
37. Put car in reverse.
38. Put car in drive.
39. Drive away from machine.
40. Drive 3 miles.
41. Release parking brake.

The Perfect Diagnosis

The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous redhead. "I would suggest to you, young lady, began the doctor,  that you discontinue some of your running around, stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early." Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"

Double Trouble

Boobs are proof that men can focus on two things at once.