The Bachelor's Diet

Bachelor's Diet
MONDAY:
BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth
LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox
DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.
TUESDAY:
BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw
LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
WEDNESDAY:
BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's
LUNCH - Rolaids and a coke
DINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps
THURSDAY:
BREAKFAST - Order out for pizza
LUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.
DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.
FRIDAY:
BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you.
LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder
DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
SATURDAY:
BREAKFAST - Sleep through it.
LUNCH - Ditto
DINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.
SUNDAY:
BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.
DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

Seminars for Men

Seminars for Men:

• COURSE 001 Combating Stupidity
• COURSE 002 You Too Can Do Housework
• COURSE 003 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
• COURSE 004 How To Fill An Ice Tray
• COURSE 005 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
• COURSE 006 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly - Don't Wash My Silks)
• COURSE 007 Understanding The Female Response To Your Coming Home At 4 AM
• COURSE 008 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
• COURSE 009 Get A Life: Learn To Cook
• COURSE 010 How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You Are Obviously Wrong
• COURSE 011 Understanding Your Incompetence
• COURSE 012 YOU: The Weaker Sex
• COURSE 013 Reasons To Give Flowers
• COURSE 014 How To Stay Awake After Sex
• COURSE 015 SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try
• COURSE 016 SEX 102: Morning Dilemma - If IT's Awake, Take A Shower
• COURSE 017 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
• COURSE 018 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
• COURSE 019 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
• COURSE 020 You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
• COURSE 021 Honest - You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson - Especially Naked
• COURSE 022 The Obtainable Goal: Omitting $@? From Your Vocabulary
• COURSE 023 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
• COURSE 024 Patronizing Does Not Work
• COURSE 025 Motel 6 Doesn't Always Keep The Light On
• COURSE 026 Real Men Ask For Directions FOR COUNSELING CALL 1-CHA-UVI-NIST

Fake Orgasms

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay.