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Sex Jokes
Ugly Gene
Q: What sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
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Australian Newbie
A 40-year-old woman wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. She takes out a personal ad and corresponds with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. After a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married. On their wedding night, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked, and all the furniture piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says. "But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"
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First Time
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14 . I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Bernen's pharmacy.
In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Carol) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. Apparently I still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She then beat the shit out of me.... Women have always been hard for me to figure out !
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