Ring Ring

*ring* *ring* "Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, "Hello?" "I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom," a male voice whispered huskily, "...undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until morning." "Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell all that from two hello's?"

Class Reunion

A guy goes to his high school class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five years he's very curious as to who might show up. When he gets there, he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down and talk about the past. "How have you been?" he asks. "I've been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though." "Bad news first, please." "Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy." "Oh my, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that." "But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!"

Counter Productive Pickup Lines

1. If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2. How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3. My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.