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Sex Jokes
Give the Dog Some Money
A guy and a dog walk into a bar. The guy is bragging to everyone that his dog can talk . The bartender calls him over and says, "So your dog can talk, huh?" The guy says yes. Then the bartender says, "So, if I gave your dog a dollar he would go out and buy me a newspaper?" The guy says yes, gives the dog a dollar and sends him out. Three hours later the dog hasn't come back yet, so the owner and the bartender go looking for him. A block from the bar, they look down an alley and see the dog humping a female dog. The guy yells, "Wow, I've never seen you do that before!"
The dog says, "Well I've never had money before."
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Ride 'Em Cowboy!
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd. "We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. There's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can." "I can do that!" Ed said confidently. "No you can't," said Ted. "I sure as hell can!" said Ed. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted. "Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. When the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked. "Remember three months ago," Ed said "When my wife had whooping cough...?"
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Le Parfume
One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi." The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me." So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
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