Be There Soon

We took my new girlfriend's car to visit my mother.  We had a tire go flat and stopped to change it.  I called my mom, told her we would be late because my girlfriend had a puncture.  "Oh Ken," she sighed, "I thought you had a real one this time."

Common Brands Condom Style

• Nike Condoms: Just do it.
• Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
• Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
• California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
• McDonalds Condom: One Billion Served.
• Energizer Condom: It keeps going and going and going...
• Bandai Condoms: Action Satisfaction.

Scottish Gleam in Eye

One night a Scottish couple took a walk through a beautiful lit up town. The woman says to the man, ''You want to hold my hand, don't you?'' The man says,''Yes, how did you know?'' She says, ''By the gleam in your eye.'' So they held hands. A little down the road the woman says to the man, ''You want to kiss me don't you?'' The man says,''Yes, how did you know?'' She says, ''By the gleam in your eye.'' So they kissed and kept walking. A little later the woman asks the man, ''You want to screw me don't you?'' The man says, ''How did you know? By the gleam in my eye?'' The woman says, ''No, by the tilt in your kilt.''