Bill Clinton at his best

When "Air Force One" prepares to land, the captain speaks over the intercom: "The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position."

The Virgin of Ten Marriages

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What!?!" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

• "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative.  He kept telling me how great it was going to be.  
• Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
• Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
• Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
• Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
• Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
• Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
• Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
• Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

Gender Logic

Two brunettes and a blonde are having lunch at a cafe, all three are pregnant. Through out the coversation the topic of sex and pregnancy comes up, finally culminating in each one discussing their respective fetus' and the manner of conception. The first brunette says "I know I am going to have a boy because I was on top." The second brunette says "I know I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom." The blonde is silent, she has a stricken look on her face, finally she bursts out "Oh my god, I'm going to have a puppy".