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Sex Jokes
Untying the Knot
One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies. Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.
"Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope."
She slides her hands further down and gasps. "Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers. Finally, the couple begin to make love.
After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute." Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!"
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No Scream in Space
They say in space, no one can hear you scream. That's because they've never done it with me.
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The Vicar's Sunday Morning Walk
The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said, "Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?". The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also, as I left her in bed smoking." The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!"
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