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The best jokes and joke writers!

Flavored condoms

I recently tried some of these new 'flavored' condoms. I bought one of each flavor they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag. My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to see what flavor i was wearing. The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavor", The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavor ", The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavor", and so on, until we had reached the final flavor, and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavor" "Cheese flavour ??" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"

Clinton's Clock

Bill Clinton made up a list of things he can say to his secretaries so they will know what he really wants, but everyone else will ignore. So one day, he hires a new secretary, and then calls her over the intercom. "Hello Ms., could you please come in here and fix my clock". Of course, she innocently agreed. She walked into the office, and looked around. "Where's the clock sir?", she asked. Suddenly, the president stood up and dropped his pants. "That's not a clock Mr. Clinton!", she exclaimed. "It will be", he replied, "Once you put two hands and a face on it !".

Like Father Like Son

Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what's going on. He tells his mother, "Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better." "Johnny you are getting more and more like your father everyday." His mother says.

Message To Mom

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"

To that the man asks, "Anything??"

And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"

With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."

She does. He then says, "Get on your knees."

She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."

She does. He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."

With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says, "Well, go ahead!" She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"

Down South

Q: What's the worst part about going down on a black girl?

A: Cotton mouth.