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Separating Men From Boys
Q: How do Catholics separate the men from the boys?
A: With a crowbar.
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Deductive Reasoning
Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving."
New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly."
Neighbor 1: "So, what is it you do for a living?"
New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning."
Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what's that?"
New Neighbor: "Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."
Neighbor 1: "That's right."
New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family."
Neighbor 1: "Right again."
New Neighbor: "Since you have a family, I deduce that you have a wife."
Neighbor 1: "Correct."
New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual."
Neighbor 1: "Yup."
New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning."
Neighbor 1: "Cool."
Later that same day:
Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door."
Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"
Neighbor 1: "Yes, and he has an interesting job."
Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah, what does he do?"
Neighbor 1: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University."
Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"
Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"
Neighbor 2: "No."
Neighbor 1: "Fag!"
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Shagging Twins
My friend told me he was shagging his girlfriend's twin.
I said: "You lucky thing! But how do you tell them apart?"
"Oh that's easy," he said, "Her brother has a mustache."
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