An Hour Fast

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde. "I just got this amazing watch," he tells her, "it can read alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking." "What does it say about me?" asked the blonde. "It says you want to sleep with me," said the man. "Sorry," said the blonde, "I think your watch is broken." "Hmmm," said the man slowly examining the watch, "It seems to be running an hour fast."

Girl Talk

The Franklin Factor:  Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.
The Rat Race:  If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.
The Eyeglass Prescription:  Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.
The Ring Rule:  A watched telephone never rings.
The Creep Call:  Never pick up the phone on Saturday night, it's a call from a creep you told you were busy.
The Fishing Forecast:  They say there are lots of good fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
The Psychological Prognosis:  Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.
The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.
Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.
The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
The Unintended Result:

• Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy
• Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love
• Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex
• Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.

The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.
The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down.
Twain's Truth:  Familiarity breeds children.
The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month, unless they're single.
The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.

Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

Q: Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up?
A: He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.