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Dirty Birds
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
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Some Horny Guy
Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it. Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband's glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN. The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband's glass of water. And that night they have sex. The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before. So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water. A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: "Hello, how's the whole family doing?" The son, who answered the phone, answers: "Well, my Mom's dead, my Sister's pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming, 'Here KITTY KITTY'."
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A Lesson in Politics
A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."
The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist, because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"
The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was woken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom. He found his father's side of the bed empty, and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then, he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned, and went back to bed.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"
The little boy thought for a minute, then said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."
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