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Sex Jokes
Breast or Bottle
A woman went into a doctor's office with a baby. She's taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. The doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman. "Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor. She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examining table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination. The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says - "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!" The woman with a wry grin on her face responds..."Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm SURE GLAD I brought him in!"
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Fred and Harry
Two friends, Fred and Harry were golfing one fine day. Toward the end of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods. Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond where Fred has hit his. Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found his ball. Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces. All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?! Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then POOF!... she was gone. After Fred got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, "Harry!... Harry!... where are you?" Harry yells, "I hit my ball in these damn pussy willows!" Fred screams back... "DON'T SWING! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T SWING!"
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Little Johnny
Little Johnny woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door. Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad. Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims "Hah!, they got nerve...they sent ME to the doctor for sucking my thumb!"
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