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Dat Ain't Bubba
Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I.D. him. Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's got burned up purdy bad. Roll 'im over," said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over, Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. "Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll 'im over," said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Dat ain't Bubba." "How can you tell?" asked the mortician. "Cause Bubba had two assholes," replied Billy-Joe. "Two assholes? That's impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would yell, 'here comes Bubba with them two assholes!"
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Blonde - License
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
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Message To Mom
A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything??"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does. He then says, "Get on your knees."
She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does. He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says, "Well, go ahead!" She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"
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