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Sex Jokes
Last Room
By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "And he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loud that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Dave. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Dave explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
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Valentine Breakfast
The old couple were celebrating Valentine's day after 50 years of marriage. They were sitting at the breakfast table when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting there naked as a jaybird, too!" "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"
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Puppy on a Plane
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy on board, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him on board the airplane. About 30 minutes into the trip a flight attendant noticed the man shaking and quivering. "Are you OK, sir?", asked the stew? "Yes, I'm fine." said the man. Sometime later the flight attendant noticed the man moaning and shaking again. "Are you sure you're alright sir?" "Yes." said the man, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants." 'Whats wrong?" asked the flight attendant, "Isn't he house broken?" "No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!"
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