A Final Exam

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.
The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"
Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

Sister Mary To The Priest

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, father." "How much did you win?"

Proverbs Finished by 4th Grade Class

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:

• It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test.
• There is nothing new... under a rock.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet.
• A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting.
• If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica.
• Better late than... absent.
• A rolling stone... may dent the floor.
• If at first you don't succeed... live with it.
• Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
• Cry... and then blow your nose.
• A bird in the hand is... better than a woodpecker on your head.
• Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal.
• Two heads... are pretty scary.
• It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb.
• A miss is as good as... a mister.
• A penny saved... is not a lot.
• Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake.
• Haste makes... sweat.