Pathetic Lawsuit

In 1989, a Union Bridge, Md., high school permitted a female student, Tawana Hammond, 17, to try out for its football team under the pressure of a federal statute that bars school discrimination on the basis of gender. On her first scrimmage, Tawana, a running back, was tackled and suffered massive internal injuries. In October 1992, she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit against the county board of education for its alleged failure to tell her how dangerous football is.

Alternate College Courses

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about it. In order to keep money flowing into our institution we've created a summer program that any slacker could pass.
New Course Offerings for the Summer Session:
THEORIES OF TIC-TAC-TOE: Should you pick X or O? The answer isn't as complicated as you might think once you've learned the theory. Learn techniques that the pros use, and play with confidence. Pre-Requisite: the movie, "War Games."
THE DECLINE OF ROMAN ORGASMS: What happened to the pleasure of the Roman woman after 33 A.D.? Using archeological evidence and experiences from her own marriage, Dr. Lisa Cecil uncovers an entire era of faking it. Pre-Requisite: Bitter Relationship
DRAWING CONCLUSIONS: Using our creative instinct to doodle on things labeled "work," we'll literally draw conclusions. Pre-Requisite: Motor Skills
MUSIC TO THE EARS: Like the Sound of Music? How about the sound of doing nothing for two hours a day for credit? Pre-Requisite: FOOD TO THE STOMACH
Also, be on the lookout for...
THE ORIGINS OF BEGINNINGS -- An Introductory Course 
THUMBS UP, THUMBS DOWN: Post-modern film criticism. 
THE ECONOMICS OF ARCADES: Finding change for a dollar.
THE STATISTICS OF POLLS -- A survey course.

Cheerleader IQ

Q: Why are cheerleaders on the bottom of the pyramid smarter than the ones at the top?
A: Because they understand.