He Didn't Make It

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast. Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. "Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior officer. "I know where he lives," he replied, "and he wouldn't have made it."

Pig Misunderstanding

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

On Your Mark

Q: What did the police say about the man shot with a starting pistol?
A: They're convinced it was race related.